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9pm Monday night [Irish] Humour
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ronp
 


Member Since: 29 Nov 2006
Location: SW Scotland
Posts: 14664

United Kingdom 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Corris GreyDiscovery 4

What Do Retired [Irish] People Do All Day?


Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my [Irish]wife and I went into town and went into a [Irish] shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a [Irish] cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a [Irish] senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a [Irish] Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.
So my [Irish] wife called him a [Irish] sh**t-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care.


We came into town by BUS.
  
Post #36325222nd Oct 2008 11:32 am
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flinty99
 


Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558

England 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Very good Ron... Thumbs Up
  
Post #36325322nd Oct 2008 11:36 am
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frogall
 


Member Since: 29 Aug 2008
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 250

United Kingdom 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 S Manual Tonga GreenDiscovery 3

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....


'Dactor, it's me Censored . I'd like ya ta take a look, if ya would'.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

'Incredible'he says, 'there is a £20 note lodged up here.'

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then
a £10 pound note appears.


'This is amazing!'exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?'

'Well fur goodness sake take it out, man! 'shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and
another and another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

'Ah Doctor, thank ya kindly, that's much better. Just out of interest,
how much was in there then?'

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says '£1,990 exactly.'

'Ah, that'd be right,'' says the Irishman

'I knew I wasn't feeling two grand..'
 I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.  
Post #36360323rd Oct 2008 12:05 am
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darrind
 


Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2437

England 2013 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 HSE Auto Santorini BlackDiscovery 4

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
 Must stop buying shiny toys....  
Post #36361323rd Oct 2008 12:27 am
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bobic
 


Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Cork
Posts: 133

Ireland 2008 Discovery 3 TDV6 XS Manual Java BlackDiscovery 3

I couldn't think of any jokes but I remember this.

IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to
avoid a collision.

IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South
to avoid a collision.

BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.

IRISH: Negative. I say again, You will have to divert YOUR course.

BRITISH: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER HMS BRITANNIA! THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE BRITISH ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND
NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR
COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT IS 15 DEGREES
NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE
THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

IRISH: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

True story.

Seriously though the British navy are great. We only have lighthouses and angry fishermen with big pointy sticks!
  
Post #36407423rd Oct 2008 11:24 pm
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