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SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
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Some of you may have seen this story over the past week and thought that the bloke concerned was getting into dangerous territory well it seems that the Daily Mash have there own take on the response which i am guessing is not to far from the truth
Quote:THE senior male midwife who criticised child-birth painkillers will today have a hat-stand forced into his anus, women have promised.
Dr Denis Walsh will be dragged from his office and taken to a paddling pool in the car park where three strong women will hold him down while another two take a seven-foot, solid pine hat-stand with six large curved coat hooks and put it in him.
Emma Bradford, a pregnant lady from Peterborough, said: "No painkillers, no epidurals, we want him to be able to bond with the hat-stand.
"And of course there are potential health risks if you use painkillers while a hefty, awkwardly-shaped piece of hall furniture is shoved as far up your lower intestine as we can get it.
"The pain of hat-stand insertion is a beautiful, natural thing, but if he's worried then perhaps he could try hypnotising himself into thinking that none of this is happening while we use the hat-stand to convince him that it is."
She added: "We've set up the paddling pool, or 'hat-standing pool' so that he can see for himself exactly how much difference that will make."
Jill McKay, from Doncaster, said: "If he needs something to take his mind off the searing pain in his anus I'd be more than happy to take a pair of pliers to his testicles."
Dr Walsh said: "I take it all back. It was obviously a joke. Look, I've not been well. Get your hands off me. For Christ's sake someone call security.
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!" [/url] I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
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14th Jul 2009 2:08 pm |
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NoDo$h
Member Since: 02 May 2006
Location: Finding new and exciting ways to milk badgers.
Posts: 19689
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The interview with this chap on Radio 4 on Monday morning was the pinnacle of back-tracking. Never in all my life have I heard a man as obviously scared as he was I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
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14th Jul 2009 3:32 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
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never felt a thing myself
and if it is that bad why do some women do it so often
bunch of softies these days Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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15th Jul 2009 4:49 pm |
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AndrewS
Tarquin of the Desert
Member Since: 06 May 2005
Location: Y...... because I can
Posts: 10438
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A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the milkman was dead on their porch. In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
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15th Jul 2009 5:10 pm |
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DG
Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50936
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21 year LR veteran > D2 GS 2003 > D3 S 2006 > D3 HSE 2009 > D4 HSE 2013 > D4 HSE 2015 > D5 HSE 2018 > DS HSE R-Dynamic P300e 2021
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15th Jul 2009 5:30 pm |
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BBS SPY
Site Sponsor
Member Since: 15 Jun 2007
Location: Sunny Cyprus
Posts: 3054
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15th Jul 2009 6:02 pm |
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Discoeast
Member Since: 19 Feb 2008
Location: Boksburg
Posts: 800
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D3 bullbar-spots-roof rack with spots-ladder-long range tank-swing out spare wheel carrier- upgraded tow bar-dash console-internal water tank-duel awnings-drawer system & T T.
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15th Jul 2009 6:32 pm |
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ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
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once again,,,,,,i'm wearing my coffee one wife.......livid
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15th Jul 2009 6:36 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
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i'am sure it happens Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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15th Jul 2009 9:52 pm |
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PeanutBob
Member Since: 24 Oct 2006
Location: Cheshire
Posts: 669
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This reminds me of a true story which I was told my our milkman when I lived with my parents near Crewe many years ago.
Nearby was an engineer who worked at Rolls Royce in Crewe, and every day his wife made him sandwiches to take to work, One day, she packed some corned beef sandwiches for him, and after he left, she gave the scraps to the cat. However, several hours later, the cat staggered into the kitchen and collapsed! Thinking that the cat had been poisoned by the corned beef, she rang up Rolls Royce and asked for a message to be put through to her husband to say that he must not eat the sandwiches as the corned beef was off. Too late, he had already scoffed them. So, he was sent by ambulance to Leighton Hospital and his stomach was pumped out.
Whilst this was going on, her milkman came by later that morning and apologised to her, saying that inadvertently he'd dropped a bottle of milk on that cat's head, and in a rush he hadn't time to tell at the time until now...
Perhpaps it's an apocraphyl milkman's story.
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15th Jul 2009 11:13 pm |
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