DigitalJunior
Member Since: 22 Nov 2008
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 4398
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the Discovery 3, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
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My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels.. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started.....
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Driving my Discovery 3 this morning I rear-ended a car. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started...
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.
And then the fight started...
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
****************************************** SOLD - 23my Range Rover Sport D300 Dynamic SE
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 23rd Sep 2009 11:27 am |
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tanters
Member Since: 24 Oct 2007
Location: Oireland
Posts: 4284
  
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  Brilliant  A happy childhood ... is the worst possible preparation for life.
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| 23rd Sep 2009 11:41 am |
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SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
 
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I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
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| 23rd Sep 2009 11:53 am |
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heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
 
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| 23rd Sep 2009 3:01 pm |
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BORDER ROVER
Member Since: 03 Dec 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 1105
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POT NOODLE NAVIGATION CHALLENGE 2010 WINNER
Club Sankey
Club pie and peas
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| 23rd Sep 2009 7:44 pm |
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Tawny Owl
Member Since: 22 Oct 2008
Location: Here and there
Posts: 1645
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, Nice one DJ
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| 23rd Sep 2009 8:04 pm |
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