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I should have posted this on Sunday - Humour
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AVE
D3 Decade 


Member Since: 13 Nov 2006
Location: First house on the left
Posts: 3085

United Kingdom 2014 Discovery 4 3.0 SDV6 XXV LE Auto Causeway GreyDiscovery 4
I should have posted this on Sunday - Humour

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in t he park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


Not sure which one is my favourite...
 As you slide down the banister of life
may no splinters point your way



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Post #36292821st Oct 2008 5:01 pm
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heine
 


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Rolling with laughter
  
Post #36293921st Oct 2008 5:13 pm
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flinty99
 


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England 
Re: I should have posted this on Sunday - Humour

AVE wrote:

--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------

Not sure which one is my favourite...


This is mine Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
  
Post #36294121st Oct 2008 5:16 pm
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Discoeast
 


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Some say church is boring Whistle
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Post #36296321st Oct 2008 5:59 pm
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ronp
 


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Excellent Thumbs Up
  
Post #36297321st Oct 2008 6:44 pm
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Shrinky
 


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Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up Nice one
 Global Warming.... I'm luvvin it  
Post #36297621st Oct 2008 7:04 pm
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bluebarchetta
 


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Very good Rolling with laughter
  
Post #36300621st Oct 2008 8:05 pm
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