Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
Points to ponder....
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
- Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
- If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
- I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
- How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
- How much faith does it take to be an atheist?
- I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
- If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?
- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
- If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
- Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? [size=7]some of you may be able to answer this
- What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
7th Feb 2009 11:06 am
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
Do they sterilize the needle on a lethal injection
Ships have cargoes and cars have shipments
When a cow laughs does milk come out its nose
If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
7th Feb 2009 12:02 pm
Willy Eckerslike
Member Since: 12 Jan 2009
Location: N Yorks
Posts: 1612
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop itClub Pie n Pea
One life....Fish it
D3 Gone but not forgotten
Club Men of Oak
Club Walnut sniffers
D4 Van owner
Ents long lost Uncle
7th Feb 2009 12:23 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
Variation on The Cat and Buttered Toast Theory...
An American magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to submit new scientific theories on ANY subject.
Below is the winner:
Subject: Perpetual Motion
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down.
Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground.
If enough toast-laden felines were used, they could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system.
.....and then this mail got this reply from one of the recipients:
I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats.
Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.
Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/t? where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet.
Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.
t? and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.
So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.
Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.
Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet
7th Feb 2009 2:18 pm
SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
And one from SWMBO
What is an occasional table the rest of the time
7th Feb 2009 2:19 pm
heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
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