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ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
  
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i'd love to have been a fly on that wall, 
so, my favourite.. number 3..
i used to be one of the buyers at a certain mountain sports store, the MD of said company was (still is) a kiwi with a good sense of humor and i've always got on well with him, this joke started a war that is still raging to this day, I'll have to add chapters as it'd take too long to go through them all but here's how it started...
so every year there is a ski/ snowboard show at olympia that we used to attend (still do) in quite a big way..
So the boss had a new M5, you know the one with the flashy HUD etc etc.. I knew the route he drove to the show each day, I also knew he was fond of using the power available to his right foot if you know what i mean,,
SO, a few weeks before the show i spoke with my brother who worked with a "squad" of the met police... he was on a job but a friend of his was willing to help out.. i had to provide all the relevant information needed to fabricate an arest warrant.
So, day 1 of the ski show and all the buyers and directors are having the usual meeting upstairs when the floor manager interrupts' the meeting with a scruffy looking bloke in a denim jacket..
so, the nice policeman asks if +++ is his name, is """"" his registration etc etc. and then...
he goes on to inform my boss that he was caught on the helicopter camera that morning doing speeds in excess of !45mph on the M3 at 7am...
my bosses face was a picture, he had tears in his eyes, you see, he had a ban a few years back for a similar offence..
so, we're all watching this no one else has a clue apart from me trying not to laugh....
so the copper has the handcuffs out and is about to take him away when i thought i'd better end it, so i walk over, interupt, then apologise,,
the copper then asks my boss to sign the papers,,, my boss asks why,,
he then says " so i can officially hand custody of you over to ady +++++"
he fell to the floor, cried a little, laughed a little,, i ran away before he could hit me,,,
he has the warrant on the wall in his office,,,
and that's the moment he swore revenge.... one wife.......livid
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 6th Nov 2009 10:29 pm |
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npinks
Member Since: 31 Jan 2008
Location: Leeds
Posts: 1943
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On the town having a few beers
I found a tampon on the floor and opened it up and placed it in a friends shirt pocket with the string hanging out
he never noticed and later that night was doing getting on well with a nice young lady
she commented on his loose thread which he pulled out
and just sat there tampon in hand hanging in front of his/her faces
the look on both there faces was pricless 
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| 6th Nov 2009 10:40 pm |
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ad15
Member Since: 14 Dec 2008
Location: up that tree
Posts: 4866
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one wife.......livid
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| 6th Nov 2009 10:41 pm |
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npinks
Member Since: 31 Jan 2008
Location: Leeds
Posts: 1943
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The best I have heard though was some friends knew a lad had blown a lot of his saving on a BMW cabrio much to his fiancée annoyment due to a upcomming wedding.
It developed a little bit of a problem and he took it to the local independant BMW dealer as he had bought it privately for a service and for them to look at it
my friends got my brother to call him, listing fault after fault amounting to a princely £2800 in parts only ontop of the service cost
he actually crumbled into his own hands holding back tears as he new he was in serious dodoo now
working for a bank at the time he rang credit card services and increased his credit card limit to cover the cost of the impending invoice.
My brother had left the name of the service manager for him to call back and discuss the invoice and to see if a deal could be done.
He phoned up, got put through and started to haggle the labour cost, what made it better he never actually said anything about the actual pretend faults and just refered to them as 'the faults' found.
Funny thing was the only falt the actually found was worn wiper blades and the roof needed a bit of grease on the hinge that was squeeking. Not the complete roof system my brother had told him 
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:02 pm |
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TSR2
Member Since: 22 Jul 2008
Location: North Lincolnshire
Posts: 1104
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ad,
Can't compete with that one...
Can only hope he gets his revenge and comes to our Forum to spill the beans..That would be worth seeing.
What is his mobile number? 
Trev.
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:07 pm |
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npinks
Member Since: 31 Jan 2008
Location: Leeds
Posts: 1943
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same lad as above ordered a bed from a known bed company
one of his colleagues answered a call for him, from the bed company saying they was on there way to his home to deliver the bed.
Somehow the message was taken a little bit wrong and it was passed to him that the bed company was in fact delivering a temporary water bed as the bed he had ordered was delayed for 1 week and they wanted to know if he had a tap and a hose pipe to fill the bed up.
He was straight on the phone, giving customer services a gob full over the messed up order and how he was now without a bed and wouldn't listen to the girls plea's that they don't deliver temporary beds and if they did they would not be water beds......
He was absolutely raging at her over the phone when a post-it note was placed on his computer monitor just saying "You've been had"
Same lad got a phone call from his brother whilst on his honeymoon telling him he had been broken into, he wouldn't believe his brother after the resent events, but his brother was telling the truth 
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:18 pm |
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TSR2
Member Since: 22 Jul 2008
Location: North Lincolnshire
Posts: 1104
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np, you just don't know who to trust do you...
Trev.
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:21 pm |
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npinks
Member Since: 31 Jan 2008
Location: Leeds
Posts: 1943
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you don't trust my mates thats for sure....... 
Nick 
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:25 pm |
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SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
 
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npinks
this lad to which you refer...........it's you isn't it ? I believe that every human has a finite number of heart-beats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Buzz Aldrin (1930 -
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:30 pm |
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npinks
Member Since: 31 Jan 2008
Location: Leeds
Posts: 1943
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When on a stag do in Dublin, the stag had just drank 8 pints of guiness, and IIRC 18 Vodka and limes
Headed back to the hotel to get ready for the night time drink session
He fell whilst getting out of the shower and head butted the sink and getting a huge gash above his eye, taken to hospital as he could not remember what had happen they kept him in for observation, eventually putting him on a ward that had a spare bed which so happened to be a a cardiac ward.
Been in a concussed and still slight  state he tried to get some sleep, my brother who went with him got the idea to get the local vicar who was visiting someone to go and speak to him and start giving him his last rights type speech and how he will be looked after by god etc
bearing in mind he wasn't really sure what was going on at the time, when we all piled round to see him the next day he was saying how he hadn't slept very well and he thought the doctors wasn't telling him something and he was worse than they was letting on.
They eventually let him out the evening we all flew home 
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:39 pm |
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npinks
Member Since: 31 Jan 2008
Location: Leeds
Posts: 1943
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SJR wrote:npinks
this lad to which you refer...........it's you isn't it ?
I wouldn't be telling them if it was 
defiantly my friends and thats how they entertained themselves whilst working for a bank, and to think one of them looks after lottery winners bank accounts now
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| 6th Nov 2009 11:44 pm |
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Mark Y
Member Since: 14 Sep 2008
Location: Warwickshire
Posts: 1249
 
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Set one of the boss's computers so that every time he put his name in it auto corrected to 'chip fat' he was an obnoxious fat t##t, he sent out loads of official documents as chip fat, also noticed he had bino's in his office window so dipped them in the stamp pad on his desk, oops panda eyes, he moved on not long after, result
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| 7th Nov 2009 10:20 pm |
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blue_manc
Member Since: 16 Mar 2009
Location: Deepest Darkest Lancashire
Posts: 551
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Short version - Girl I hated came into the office "Should your revs be on nil in neutral?"
Me "Yeah, or sometimes just creeping up to 1 - why what's yours doing?"
Her" On the first marker, not sure what number"
Me - "Go and check, if it is 1 then don't worry, perfectly normal. Even if it is "10" no problem............"
Her " I think it says "1" but it says "x 100" or something"
Me - That'll cost you diesel - get it checked on next service.....
Her - "What if it said "x 1000" i think it may have said a thousand"
Me - Don't be silly
Her What if?
Me - Go and check NOW. If it is "x 1000" you are doing A THOUSAND revs - get it to a garage before it goes bang - Go, GO!
She dashed back to the car park, apparently drove straight to VW told them, and the service bloke nearly choked laughing...... she skulked back into the office half an hour later and did not speak to anyone for the rest of the day.....
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| 7th Nov 2009 10:40 pm |
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Russell
Member Since: 24 Aug 2007
Location: Kent
Posts: 10564
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Put our neihgbours house up for sale whilst they were away, complete with for sale board. They got loads of calls about it.
Sneaked out one night and put a large sign up just below thir bedroom window stating Ironing taken in chaep rates ring 01797--------
They could not understand why they kept getting calls that ws until they went out two days later. MY17 D5 1st Edition Namib Orange
MY15 D4 HSE Kaikoura Stone
MY12 D4 HSE Nara Bronze Sold and gone
MY11 D4 HSE Stornaway Grey Sold and gone
D3 S spec Silver Sold and gone
Tow bar, full length roof bars, side steps, tow bar storage unit, surround camers.
D4 camera club
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| 7th Nov 2009 11:19 pm |
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10forcash
Member Since: 09 Jun 2005
Location: Ubique
Posts: 16534
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Done the auto-correct thing... used to work with (or more properly against!) a guy called Harry Pitchforth... set his autocorrect to change it to 'Hairy Pitchfork' the thick never did sort it
also done the alcoholic food thing, many, many squaddies succumbed to that and woke up with two halves of their eyebrows missing or tw@t carved in the back of their head
Lots of stories, most not for public consumption unfortunately  although we did manage to convince the Afghani interrupters that worked for us that bacon flavour crisps were halal approved )
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| 7th Nov 2009 11:40 pm |
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