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Popelka
 


Member Since: 31 May 2008
Location: Praha (Prague)
Posts: 2430

Czech Republic 
saturday humor

The Wife's Vacation

"Don't worry, I can stay out late tonight," Joe told his friend Bob. "My wife's gone for a two week vacation in the Caribbean."

"Jamaica?" Bob asked.

"No, it was her idea."
 Experience is a difficult teacher, because she gives the test first and then the lesson afterwards!!!!  
Post #36174918th Oct 2008 4:29 pm
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GLYNNE
 


Member Since: 06 Oct 2006
Location: KENT
Posts: 4538

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 Commercial Auto Orkney GreyDiscovery 4

Thud
  
Post #36184218th Oct 2008 10:20 pm
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CG
 


Member Since: 13 Nov 2007
Location: In the middle somewhere
Posts: 3745

England 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 S Manual Zermatt SilverDiscovery 3

Banging Head
 
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you read is not what I meant" 
 
Post #36184318th Oct 2008 10:21 pm
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busaboy74
 


Member Since: 17 Aug 2008
Location: Hampshire
Posts: 310


Is it me, or did someone actually post that joke? Victor Meldrew
  
Post #36184518th Oct 2008 10:23 pm
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SJR
 


Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030

England 2006 Discovery 3 TDV6 SE Auto Arctic FrostDiscovery 3

Yawn Yawn Yawn
  
Post #36185018th Oct 2008 10:31 pm
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buzz
 


Member Since: 19 May 2006
Location: lancashire
Posts: 585

England 

these are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published! By court repo rters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________



ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
______ _ ______________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
__ __ ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding' me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting' laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None .
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you Censored ' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTOR NEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: &nb sp;& nbsp; Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: & nbsp;&nbs p;No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 Gone.......but not forgotten

06 Zermatt 7 seat auto with PDC and privacy

Club £400 V.E.D. 
 
Post #36186118th Oct 2008 10:47 pm
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BORDER ROVER
 


Member Since: 03 Dec 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 1105

United Kingdom 2008 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Java BlackDiscovery 3

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
 POT NOODLE NAVIGATION CHALLENGE 2010 WINNER
Club Sankey
Club pie and peas 
 
Post #36186618th Oct 2008 10:55 pm
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TSR2
 


Member Since: 22 Jul 2008
Location: North Lincolnshire
Posts: 1104

United Kingdom 2005 Discovery 3 TDV6 HSE Auto Stornoway GreyDiscovery 3

Thanks Buzz I think this thread needed a little something........ A funny joke.... Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
Bow down Bow down
  
Post #36190218th Oct 2008 11:46 pm
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GLYNNE
 


Member Since: 06 Oct 2006
Location: KENT
Posts: 4538

England 2012 Discovery 4 3.0 TDV6 Commercial Auto Orkney GreyDiscovery 4

Laughing Thumbs Up
  
Post #36190418th Oct 2008 11:50 pm
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heine
 


Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054

South Africa 2009 Discovery 3 4.4 V8 HSE Auto Alaska WhiteDiscovery 3

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter
  
Post #36206819th Oct 2008 6:22 pm
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