SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
  
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Just been sent these on email, thought they would be appreciated here 
1 ) I went to the ATM this morning and it said "insufficient funds"..
I'm wondering is it them or me?
2 ) Petrol is way too expensive these days. I actually can't afford to drive.
Last time I went dogging, I had to ask my mum to give me a lift.
3 ) With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
Start off with a large one.
4 ) How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday
5 ) What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A large pizza can still feed a family of four.
6 ) What's the difference between a merchant bank and Katie Price (aka. Jordan)?
Both are institutions whose reputation is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be entirely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment. But at least Katie Price is still worth something.
7 ) What's the difference between the BBC's business editor Robert Peston and God?
God doesn't think he's Robert Peston
8 ) George Bush was asked today "what did he think of the Credit Crunch?"
He replied: "It was his favourite Candy Bar."
9 ) What's the capital of Iceland?
About £3.50
10 ) Why have estate agents stopped looking out the window in the morning?
Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon
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 24th Jan 2009 9:24 pm |
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character
Member Since: 01 Jan 2008
Location: wiltshire
Posts: 5779
 
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1) as a former md of an estate agents, I find number 10 to be highly offensive
2) as a former md who sold his business in the summer of 2007 to a blue chip chain of rival estate agents, I find number 10 to be mildly offensive
3) as a former MD who sold his business to a blue chip rival estate agents only to see it close less than 12 month later, I find number 10 NOT to be offensive
4) as a former MD of an estate agents who sold it to a blue chip rival estate agents chain who then closed it less then 12 months later and a former MD who completed the sale prior to the change in tax rules announced in the budget of Nov 2007 and thus gained maximum "taper" relief for the years he'd owned the business...........I'm absolutely over the moon!!!! suckers 
Last edited by character on 24th Jan 2009 10:46 pm. Edited 1 time in total
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| 24th Jan 2009 10:00 pm |
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heine
Member Since: 07 Feb 2007
Location: Midrand
Posts: 4054
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| 24th Jan 2009 10:11 pm |
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NJF
Member Since: 05 Oct 2007
Location: Gone
Posts: 2466
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John was a meeter and greeter at a B&Q Superstore. He was very good at his job. In fact he was the best one they had ever had. There was only one problem - he always seemed to be ten or fifteen minutes late in the morning. Finally the manager called him in to his office and said, "John, we have a problem. I have no complaint about your work, in fact you are really good at what you do and I only wish the rest of the staff were as smart, friendly and efficient as you are but you really must get here on time in the morning."
John replied, "Yes I am aware of the problem and I assure you that I really do try to be punctual." The manager said, "I believe you were in the Army before you came here John, how did you cope there? What did they say to you when you arrived quarter of an hour late in the morning?" "Well," said John, "they usually said, 'Good morning, Colonel, would you like tea or coffee?'"
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| 24th Jan 2009 10:42 pm |
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character
Member Since: 01 Jan 2008
Location: wiltshire
Posts: 5779
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ps my story about the estate agents............. its true
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| 24th Jan 2009 10:45 pm |
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SJR
Member Since: 09 Aug 2006
Location: East Manchester
Posts: 4030
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So did you look out of the window in the morning or the afternoon 
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| 24th Jan 2009 10:47 pm |
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character
Member Since: 01 Jan 2008
Location: wiltshire
Posts: 5779
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didnt have time in those days, however look out the window all day long now..... otherwise I cant see where I'm driving
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| 25th Jan 2009 12:05 am |
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