Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
SMART :censored: ANSWER OF THE YEAR
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at Bi-Lo, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the copper said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
2nd Place
A truck driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab
And said to the driver,
'Got stuck, eh?'
The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol !'
#1 SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR
A teacher reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family,
but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.
28th Nov 2008 9:47 pm
jkp
Member Since: 17 Sep 2005
Location: Living among Bawbags
Posts: 4528
Very good
28th Nov 2008 9:51 pm
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72794
28th Nov 2008 9:53 pm
GLYNNE
Member Since: 06 Oct 2006
Location: KENT
Posts: 4648
LRs are a fond memory, apart from the maintenance.
28th Nov 2008 10:44 pm
shellshock
Member Since: 10 Mar 2008
Location: Chester/Wrexham
Posts: 369
True Story
Exchange at a DIY store
Customer approaches desk at the front of the store carring 5ft curtain pole.
Customer to Manager "I want a refund, its the wrong size"
Manager "No its not"
Customer "yes it is, I WANT a refund"
Manager pulls out tape measure and measures the pole, says to customer " You are wrong it IS the correct size, it measures 5ft AND says 5ft on box" (Manager then refuses refund)
(Slightly abbreviated not showing full extent of customers anger!!)ALTERNATIVES...............No alternatives for off-road capability.
If you want Surrey plush, go for a Range Rover. If you want Manchester bling it's the Range Rover Sport. But if it's a seven-seat, go anywhere 4x4, it's time to Disco.
(Daily Telegraph 08/08/09)
28th Nov 2008 11:51 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50936
Is that a joke... or are you making a genuine complaint ? 21 year LR veteran > D2 GS 2003 > D3 S 2006 > D3 HSE 2009 > D4 HSE 2013 > D4 HSE 2015 > D5 HSE 2018 > DS HSE R-Dynamic P300e 2021
As you slide down the banister of life
may no splinters point your way
Disco XXV
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY16
Discovery Sport HSE Lux MY17
Evoque HSE Dynamic MY16 (Gone)
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY14 (Lovely car but preferred the Disco!)
Disco 3 Tdv6 HSE MY05 (owned for 11 years and now gone)
Range Rover Sport HSE MY11 (Gone)
Freelander2 SE (Gone but the most reliable car we've ever owned)
Disco 2 V8 (Gone)
28th Nov 2008 11:54 pm
shellshock
Member Since: 10 Mar 2008
Location: Chester/Wrexham
Posts: 369
DG wrote:
Is that a joke... or are you making a genuine complaint ?
DG - Genuine event witnessed many years ago when I was working in a well known DIY store with a manager with a superb sense of humour, didn't half wind the customer up mind talk of the canteen for weeksALTERNATIVES...............No alternatives for off-road capability.
If you want Surrey plush, go for a Range Rover. If you want Manchester bling it's the Range Rover Sport. But if it's a seven-seat, go anywhere 4x4, it's time to Disco.
(Daily Telegraph 08/08/09)
28th Nov 2008 11:58 pm
AndrewW
Member Since: 06 Aug 2007
Location: Saddleworth
Posts: 2302
I used to know someone like that....
Phone rings...
My friend picks up the phone, "Sorry, you've got the wrong number!"
Caller, "What!? Eh!? How do you know I've got the wrong number??!!"
My friend, "Because we don't have a phone here." CLICK2006 D3 finally swapped for a 2016 D4 Graphite in Graphite grey. No mods
29th Nov 2008 12:30 am
Gareth Site Moderator
Member Since: 07 Dec 2004
Location: Bramhall
Posts: 26704
No.2 is funnier than No.1
In my opinion
29th Nov 2008 12:36 am
catweasel
Member Since: 05 May 2006
Location: Bundaleer
Posts: 4805
I was on a flight from Adelaide to Whyalla once and bits of the wing and engine cowling started flapping about so I told the flight attendant. she returned from the cockpit and said that the pilot wont go out and look at it just right now but will check when we land .
its only a 50 minute flight.
later in the flight bits started falling off so told the attendant with a smirk on my face and the pilot came out this time (a tad embarresed )we then returned to Adelaide when almost at our destination (Whyalla does not have the facilities to fix it)
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
ANSWER OF THE YEAR
.
)we then returned to Adelaide when almost at our destination (Whyalla does not have the facilities to fix it)
