flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
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In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a building permit."
"I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision."
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The GOVERNMENT beat me to it."
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 28th Oct 2008 10:43 am |
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Discoeast
Member Since: 19 Feb 2008
Location: Boksburg
Posts: 800
  
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  D3 bullbar-spots-roof rack with spots-ladder-long range tank-swing out spare wheel carrier- upgraded tow bar-dash console-internal water tank-duel awnings-drawer system & T T.
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| 28th Oct 2008 10:52 am |
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NHR
Member Since: 13 Dec 2007
Location: Warsaw
Posts: 923
 
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True, very true! 
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| 28th Oct 2008 4:11 pm |
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AVE
D3 Decade
Member Since: 13 Nov 2006
Location: First house on the left
Posts: 3097
 
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Brilliant
As you slide down the banister of life
may no splinters point your way
Disco XXV
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY16
Discovery Sport HSE Lux MY17
Evoque HSE Dynamic MY16 (Gone)
RRS2 Autobiography Dynamic MY14 (Lovely car but preferred the Disco!)
Disco 3 Tdv6 HSE MY05 (owned for 11 years and now gone)
Range Rover Sport HSE MY11 (Gone)
Freelander2 SE (Gone but the most reliable car we've ever owned)
Disco 2 V8 (Gone)
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| 28th Oct 2008 5:15 pm |
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