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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
  
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| Tuesday humour a bit adult |
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little boy about 12 years old walked down the street
dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He
came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and
knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and
asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want to have sex
with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy
it, and I'm not leaving until I get it'.
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come
in.
Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he
liked.
He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any
venereal diseases?'
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get
shots after making love with Amber, THAT'S the girl I
want'.
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money
to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the
first room on the right. He headed down the hall
dragging the squashed amphibian behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the
frog, paid the Madam and headed out the door. The
Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the
only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one
of the others?'
He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get
home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat,
leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they
leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because
she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys..
She will then get the Dose that I just caught.
When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the
baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in
the car and he'll catch the dose. Then when Dad gets
home Mum, will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes
to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a
quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and HE'S the
b***ard I want to get.............. coz he ran over my
frog! Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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 4th Nov 2008 6:48 pm |
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Bodsy
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Member Since: 06 Nov 2006
Location: In the Clubhouse
Posts: 21361
  
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  Bodsys Brake Bible
D4/D3 Remote FBH heat kits
BAS Remaps/ EGR Blank
Transmission Flush
Software updates/enabling
Clock/ SNOTM /3Flash / 4x4Info /BT Update /Service Reset/Error Codes / Gearbox Reset
See It Here
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| 4th Nov 2008 6:50 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
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Grandmas Don't Know Everything!!
>
> He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he
> came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called
> when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
> She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the
> truth 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling'.
> Little Tony just said, 'Oh, okay,' and went back outside to play
> with the other kids.
> A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it
> isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's
> mom wants to talk to you.' Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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| 4th Nov 2008 6:50 pm |
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darrind
Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863
 
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Must stop buying shiny toys....
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| 4th Nov 2008 6:56 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
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Prince Charles decided to take up jogging. Every day,
he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street
corner.
> He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what
> > was almost certain to follow.
> > 'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout
> > from the curb.
> 'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back, just to shut
> her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily
occurrence.
> > He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and
> > Fifty pounds!'
> > He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'
> > One day, Camilla de cided that she wanted to accompany her
> > 'husband' on his jog. As the jogging couple neared
> > the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles
> > realized she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would
> > wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past
> > outings.
> > He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his
> > wife.
> > As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the
> > corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
> > Sure enough, there was the hooker.
> > He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched
> > the pair jog past.
> > Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, 'See what you
> > get for five pounds, you tight b  d ?!' Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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| 4th Nov 2008 7:00 pm |
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flinty99
Member Since: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 2558
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| 4th Nov 2008 7:02 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
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A Young man called Ron wanted to buy a Christmas
> present for his new
> > girlfriend. They hadn't been seeing each other for
> very long and she
> lived
> > a considerable distance away. He consulted with his
> sister and decided
> > after careful consideration, that a pair of good
> quality gloves would
> > strike the right note, not too romantic and not too
> personal.
> >
> > Off he went with his sister to a well known department
> store and they
> > selected a dainty pair of fur-lined quality leather
> gloves. His sister
> > bought a pair of knickers for herself at the same
> time. The store had
> a
> > free gift-wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the
> two items, so the
> > sister got the gloves and Ron got the knickers. Good
> old Ron sent off
> his
> > gift-wrapped present with the following letter:
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Dear Sasha,
> >
> > I chose these because I've noticed that you are
> not wearing any when
> we go
> > out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister
> I would have
> chosen
> > the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones
> (which are
> easier
> > to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the
> lady I bought
> them
> > from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the
> past three weeks
> and
> > they were hardly soiled at all..
> >
> > I had her try yours on for me and she looked really
> smart in them even
> > though they were a little bit tight on her. She also
> said that they
> rub
> > against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact
> she hasn't needed
> to
> > wash it since she began wearing them. I wish I was
> there to put them
> on for
> > you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will
> touch them
> before I
> > have a chance to see you again. When you take them off
> remember to
> blow
> > into them a little bit because they will naturally be
> a little damp
> from
> > wearing. Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss
> them during the
> > coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on our
> next date.
> >
> > All my love
> >
> > Ron.
> >
> >
> > P.S.
> > My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them
> folded down with
> a
> > little bit of fur showing. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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| 4th Nov 2008 7:04 pm |
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MrH
Member Since: 08 Aug 2007
Location: lost in the forest
Posts: 7754
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Nice one Kev LRs are a fond memory, apart from the maintenance.
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| 4th Nov 2008 7:06 pm |
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kevi
Member Since: 18 Mar 2006
Location: in the rhondda valleys
Posts: 945
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The Irish Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large fire-cracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The husband said to the doctor, 'B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.'
'Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in New Zealand , Tasmania , several suburbs in Brisbane and Elizabeth in Sth. Australia Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
2 Too many seats now
No trouble so far
tow pack, tasmods sills
IT goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows
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| 4th Nov 2008 7:11 pm |
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jkp
Member Since: 17 Sep 2005
Location: Living among Bawbags
Posts: 4528
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| 4th Nov 2008 8:08 pm |
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GLYNNE
Member Since: 06 Oct 2006
Location: KENT
Posts: 4648
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| 4th Nov 2008 8:12 pm |
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BORDER ROVER
Member Since: 03 Dec 2007
Location: Cumbria
Posts: 1105
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POT NOODLE NAVIGATION CHALLENGE 2010 WINNER
Club Sankey
Club pie and peas
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| 4th Nov 2008 8:22 pm |
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frogall
Member Since: 29 Aug 2008
Location: Norfolk
Posts: 250
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Stop encouraging him please, my sides hurt. I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
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| 5th Nov 2008 12:45 am |
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darrind
Member Since: 04 Jul 2008
Location: In A World of My Own!
Posts: 2863
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Keep Em coming
Must stop buying shiny toys....
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| 5th Nov 2008 2:26 am |
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