Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2:
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3:
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4:
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5:
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?”
Understanding Engineers #6:
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7:
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
And finally:
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving as elected members of Parliament.Am I Gammon or Woke ? - I neither know nor care.
2016 Discovery 4 Landmark
2011 Mercedes Benz SL350 (R230)
1973 MG B GT V8 - 3.9L John Eales engine, 5 speed R380 gearbox, since 1975.
1959 MGA roadster - 1.9L Peter Burgess Engine - 5 speed gearbox
Past LRs - Multiple FFRs, Discos & a Series I - some petrol, some diesel,
none Electric or H2 fuel cell - yet.
There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
24th May 2019 12:03 pm
ianm27
Member Since: 02 Jun 2016
Location: Hertfordshire
Posts: 2154
Uncle Ray's spare wheel protector
Limo Tint
Blackvue front & rear dashcam
Cruise control switch pack
Bodsy's remote for FBH
24th May 2019 12:51 pm
Kilovolt
Member Since: 29 Jun 2015
Location: South Derbyshire
Posts: 1020
"Track day running - Don't put your foot back on the accelerator until your absolutely sure you don't have to take it off again"
Current Ride: D4 XS Commercial Baltic Blue SDV6 fully loaded with heated everything
Track Days: BMW E36 M3 Evolution MY 1996 (3.2 Litre 377 BHP sat in 1,250 Kgs of car, with a pro safety cage and some serious braking power)
24th May 2019 12:54 pm
knwatkins
Member Since: 19 Sep 2018
Location: Poole, Dorset
Posts: 716
Brilliant! As an Engineer, I can relate to several of these statements!Kev
MY2014 L405 RR Vogue SE 4.4 SDV8 in Corris Grey
MY2010 L320 RRS HSE 3.0 TDV6 in Stornoway Grey
24th May 2019 3:26 pm
John P
Member Since: 12 Aug 2011
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 1274
#3
24th May 2019 4:28 pm
Dazz360
Member Since: 03 Sep 2016
Location: West Mids Walsall
Posts: 871
Metal auto sump & fluid change (3 hrs)
LR door puddle projectors (10 mins)
Tinted Bonnet wind deflector (10 mins)
All Intercooler pipes and Tbolts (2hrs)
3 injectors replaced so far (30mins)
Sunroof drain pipes both sides 2.5 hrs)
Rear discs, shoes,pads,callipers,flexi hoses, rigid brake line, n/s upper hub carrier bush and rear n/s upper arm (13hrs over 2 days)
24th May 2019 8:41 pm
Moo D3 Decade
Member Since: 13 Aug 2010
Location: Wiltshire
Posts: 13882
New Defender L663 110 SE (known as Noddy!)
Sold Volvo XC90 R-Design (known as Basil)
Sold - D4 HSE (Known as Gerty)
No longer the Old Buses original owner
231,000 miles and counting
05 S manual owned from March 2005
D4 Face lifted
Still original injectors and turbo
V8 Front brakes
BAS Remap, Allisport Intercooler and deCat
EGRs blanked
T-Max split charge
Hanibal Expeedition rack
Prospeed ladder
Duratrac tyres
IID BT
BAS FBH control
24th May 2019 11:00 pm
Gadgetnut
Member Since: 01 Sep 2018
Location: Somerset
Posts: 144
D1 3Door (White) Long gone
D1 3 Door (Red) Long gone
D2 5 Door (Charleston Green) Long gone
D4 HSE (Black)
25th May 2019 8:19 am
Ceekay
Member Since: 17 May 2009
Location: Bury
Posts: 2057
very good
were they all real scenario’s or did you engineer them
I’ll get me coat.D4 HSE Lux MY16 Club Waitomo
D3 HSE MY06 missing her still…
25th May 2019 11:50 am
robsmith
Member Since: 02 Sep 2007
Location: Staffordshire
Posts: 2392
Quote:
Understanding Engineers #4:
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Chemical engineers supply materials to both sidesRob Smith
Silver rools OK
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