Good morning and welcome to this post match report from Bournemouth. No surprises in this meeting of David and Goliath, with the away team limping off with severe bruising and an own goal against them. Austere and majestic as ever, Weggie United remained steadfast throughout the match and left the field without a mark while Avensis FC went to lick their wounds......
Yup, some chump decided that the way to join a dual carriageway log-jammed with stationary traffic was to ignore the patiently queuing masses on the sliproad who were merging in turn and instead undertake them all, race along the chevrons, stick his nearside wheels on the verge and finally launch himself at a former space now occupied by my D3.
I laughed. No really I did.
Bloke showed no sign of wanting to pull over, but as the traffic was at walking pace it only took 30 seconds of xenon eyeball death and my pointing to persuade him to join me for a chat on the verge. I got out, wandered around the passenger side of my car and..... no damage. Well to be fair there was a slight mark on the wheel arch and some light bruising on the lacquer, but it will all polish out. Walked over to Mr Angry Rep who had his door locked and was yelling into the phone "Please send the Police, a man has just forced me off the road and is trying to attack me". Me, all 5'6" and a picture of bemused calm, a violent attacker? As soon as he put the phone down he gave me a smug grin and made it clear he though he was terribly clever. I just wandered back to the D3, wrote down my details, stuck on my hi-viz coat and put out a triangle.
Wandered back over and offered my details but he refused to lower his window and started taking pictures of me, so I put on my best Benny Hill grinning face and made a number of universally understood gestures that suggest a less than impressive trouser package.
Police turned up, viewed the damage to his car (wing mirror, door and front wing), looked at where the mark on my wheelarch was, established my car was in front by 2-3 feet when the impact occurred and the Avensis had failed to give way on a slip and game over. Both breathalysed, both 45 minutes late, him angrier than a python on acid and me, well, just bemused really.
So far this week that's one puncture in the pouring rain and one suicidal sales rep. Let's hope something mildly unpleasant, like an onion falling on my head, happens to me before Saturday as I don't want number 3 to be in the middle of Salisbury Plain!I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
7th Mar 2007 11:03 am
SPOTTER
Member Since: 06 Dec 2006
Location: Adrift........
Posts: 3095
that doesn't sound much fun.........glad no serious damage to car ....or you
are you asking us to give you a wide berth end of an era ....... maybe a Defender when it appears.......
Wide berth? I've just swapped my twin room for a double at the weekend, so already go that.
Yeah, not much fun but I had my Mr Calm head on and just put it in the box marked "sh*t happens"I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
7th Mar 2007 11:51 am
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72785
NoDo$h, good to have you in the Tight Ar$es group! If we see a Toyota (or ToyBota with all this rain) we will call on your services!
Toyota!? Where???? Lemme at 'em, lemme at 'emI know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
7th Mar 2007 12:10 pm
DG Site Moderator
Member Since: 12 Dec 2005
Location: The Gaff
Posts: 50934
I hold a secret desire that if I find myself in a similar scenario I would just broadside him and keep the revs on until my motor expired 21 year LR veteran > D2 GS 2003 > D3 S 2006 > D3 HSE 2009 > D4 HSE 2013 > D4 HSE 2015 > D5 HSE 2018 > DS HSE R-Dynamic P300e 2021
When he started being a complete cock and lying to the police on the phone I confess I was tempted to get the towing stop out and just drag him and his car into the middle of the field next the the road and leave them there. I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
7th Mar 2007 12:14 pm
DSL Keeper of the wheelie bin
Member Since: 11 May 2006
Location: Off again! :-)
Posts: 72785
NoDo$h wrote:
Toyota!? Where???? Lemme at 'em, lemme at 'em
Oops, just remembered I own a Toyota!!!! Deffinately wasn't mine, my D3s have him well trained! Mind you Mrs DSL did almost have a police car go into the Toyots this Monday on a roundabout because the plod was not paying attention!
7th Mar 2007 12:47 pm
bkehoe
Member Since: 25 Feb 2006
Location: Wexford
Posts: 1481
It was a Toyota that I hit last year too (somehow didn't see me going around a roundabout when he drove onto it without stopping), though I did need a new front bumper, but he had major front wing and door damage.IE - 05 D3 TDV6 HSE - Zambezi Silver
SA - 07 VW Golf TDI - White - Sold!
7th Mar 2007 12:53 pm
stapldm
Member Since: 11 Sep 2006
Location: Swine Town
Posts: 2330
Bad luck (good luck?) NoDo$h, glad it wasn't too serious for you. You should have reported to the police that he may have been holding his mobile in one hand at the time.
I'm afraid situations like this are where a lot of the 'Get those dangerous 4x4's off the road!' Messages come from.
A holes ignoring the rules of the road and then getting beaten to a pulp by an armoured three tonner - then claiming that if the 4x4 wasn't so heavily built, the damage to their own sardine can would have been less severe; hence 4x4's are bad for the health of T er drivers, QED, call Jerremy Whine.
I'm Soooooo glad I carry my loved ones around in a Disco! I wonder if you can get full car length front-to-back rock sliders for a sort of Dodgems look...Dr. Ian Malcolm:
"Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should."
Transgenic tomato anyone?
Sadly he was doing an "Uhura" and had his bluetooth on, although when he called the police he opted to use the handset. Perhaps the BT headset had an adverse impact on his peripheral vision?
I agree this bloke is going to rant about 4x4s to everyone he sees for the next 6 years but fortunately he only has to open his mouth for all credibility to go out the window. I should imagine his social circle consists of similarly small-minded types. On the flip side, he's going to be anti-police too, as they didn't join in his "game".
I almost felt sorry for him. He's either chosen an Avensis, in which case he clearly hates driving, or has had it thrust upon him by his employer's fleet policy, in which case he must hate himself for selling himself short in life and taking the job.I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
7th Mar 2007 1:34 pm
fisherman
Member Since: 16 Jan 2007
Location: Hornchurch Essex
Posts: 1789
I don't have the same calm disposition as you, and you should be proud of yourself. I would now be locked up trying to explain to my wife and kids why Daddy isn't coming home just yet.
The Toyota driver would be explaining that his ar5e will continue to make these ringing and talking noises until the battery runs down.
I must take a leaf out of your book Nodo$h and learn to take that deep breath first.
Well done mate.FFRR 2017 4.4SDV8 Autobiography. Cost so much I must be mad!
D4 HSE 2012 Like a second wife, more expensive but goes better! I almost cried this time!
D3 HSE 2006 (Almost 8 years together, true love)
Land Cruiser VX 1994 11 years together, wife cried when I p/ex'd for my D3
8th Mar 2007 1:37 am
wiggs
Member Since: 03 Sep 2006
Location: Manchester
Posts: 14368
fisherman wrote:
I don't have the same calm disposition as you, and you should be proud of yourself. I would now be locked up trying to explain to my wife and kids why Daddy isn't coming home just yet.
The Toyota driver would be explaining that his ar5e will continue to make these ringing and talking noises until the battery runs down.
I must take a leaf out of your book Nodo$h and learn to take that deep breath first.
Well done mate.
Here Here ....too many idiot's on the road to be calm.
Im on the motorway eveyday and im still suprised at what i see.G4 Gone ...but not forgotten
8th Mar 2007 1:56 am
Baben
Member Since: 15 Feb 2006
Location: Kyalami
Posts: 2059
you guys are talking like this is abnormal behaviour? You are quite lucky. In JHB this is pretty standard, and you just grin and bear it or you get your car hit with a tyre-lever (or axe) or worse
I am gonna take some pics in the traffic over the next couple of days to show you what roadhogs REALLY look like....
@Fisherman & Wiggs: I know what you mean. 2 years ago I would have shackled the towing strop to his tonsils having fed rope up through his backside before turning him inside out. Thankfully I realised I had anger management issues a couple of years back and sought professional help before it wrecked my second marriage (it had a small part to play in the failure of the first one, but that one mostly went south because wife no.1 was a complete cow). While it hasn't stopped me seeing people like this as complete tools, I have gained some ability to have at least a modicum of empathy for their anger and/or stupidity and to make allowances.
Looking back on it my greatest annoyance was with the traffic officer who felt it was his job to physically intimidate me and talk sh*t for England while the two plod from the local nick looked on with their jaws on the floor at the behaviour of their erstwhile colleague. Must have made him miss his tea break. Even when faced with this I just nodded a lot and offered platitudes while correcting his clumsy attempts to get me to say "yes officer, despite all the physical evidence to the contrary I not only drove at the Avensis at 60mph but also attacked the driver with a howitzer" . Sure, deep inside I was thinking "ooh, those trousers look tight. I bet you've got some personal hygiene issues if you have to sit in your car all day wearing them. God you really are talking some drivel aren't you" while visualising him opening his car door to get back in and getting wiped out by an eastern european 42 tonner......
@ Baben: I don't doubt for a second that it's a darn sight more volatile in your neck of the woods and I certainly wouldn't trade places in that respect, but with over 30million cars in the UK and no new roads of any significance for the last 20 years pretty much every major motorway and trunkroad looks like downtown J'berg when rush hour starts. It's just the (relative) absence of firearms and a slightly lower number of 6'8" Boers with arms as long as the Damascus highway and fuses as short as their todgers that makes it a little more bearable..... Although if you go to any bar in the Wimbledon area you may find some of the latter I'm just grateful it wasn't me calling the police because the other driver was doing a kenny noyes on me.
On the flip-side, this is a typical rush-hour road in Dorset:
I know it's not considered "kind" to say no these days, but no. Just no, ok? And if it's not ok, still no.
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Lemme at 'em, lemme at 'em
holes ignoring the rules of the road and then getting beaten to a pulp by an armoured three tonner - then claiming that if the 4x4 wasn't so heavily built, the damage to their own sardine can would have been less severe; hence 4x4's are bad for the health of T 
you guys are talking like this is abnormal behaviour? You are quite lucky. In JHB this is pretty standard, and you just grin and bear it or you get your car hit with a tyre-lever (or axe) or worse
I'm just grateful it wasn't me calling the police because the other driver was doing a kenny noyes on me.
